My exploration of the age-old question

Can men and women be "just friends"?

Someone posed the question to me the other day: "Why, Mandy, do you have so many guy friends?" and when I went to answer her, I had to really pause for a moment and think about the question. To glance at me, all girly and fru-fru and a lover of all things pink and sparkly, one would never categorize me as "one of the guys." I don't watch sports, I don't play sports, I was the girl in P.E. class who the ball usually bounced off her head and there's never been an ounce of tomboy in me. On a purely masculine playing field, I don't even get up to bat. I have little in common with men and the closest I get to participating in any kind of athletic event is going shopping. Yet, I look around and notice that at least half of my close friends are male and I already have big plans for them to be "Bridesmen" in my wedding someday, should such a wedding ever actually take place.

So then, of course, that begs the question: "Well, are all of your guy friends secretly lusting for you, or you for them?" - and the answer is a resounding NO. One such friend, one of my very best friends and former roommate, Jason, has seen me in every stage of scantily clad and vice versa, and there's not a spark of lust between us. I have more lust for a piece of bread than I do for him. That's not to negate his attractiveness at all - actually, he's a very cute guy with an awesome personality and is overall a great catch. But we view each other as brother and sister and would never trample all over the beauty of our friendship with a little side nookie. Not to say there's anything wrong with that if that's what you both choose, but for he and I, friendship is all there is and all there will ever be.

Which brings me to my answer of the original question, "Can men and women be "just friends"? My answer is 100% YES. Not only CAN they be friends, they SHOULD be friends. There is no better source of advice, inspiration and insight than a guy friend. They have broader shoulders for you to cry on. They make you feel better by threatening to beat the loser up who broke your heart. With all their swagger and inability to BS you and "boyness," they put the problems of the world into simple, direct terms that make you forget about what you were confused about in the first place. They share the man's perspective and give you a peek into "the boy's club." They break it down for you in a way that your girls just aren't capable of doing, because most men are direct and to-the-point and don't overcomplicate or overdramatize things. They force you to get back to the basics of YOU because they've seen you at your very best and your very worst and remain completely unfazed by both sides of you. And besides all that - they make really great dance partners. :)

Now, along the way of guy-girl friendships, there are a few stumbling blocks you might have to overcome. The worst is when you're trying to be a guy's friend and he automatically assumes you want more and so he starts pulling back and being sketchy because he's not feelin' it and thinks you are (even when you're not, either). The only thing you can really do in that situation is to just wait it out and let him talk himself back down from the ledge. Never spend time trying to convince a man who's convinced otherwise that all you wanna be is friends. It's a waste of your breath. He'll figure it out eventually.

The other side of that is when one of you DOES have feelings and the other one doesn't. When this situation arises, honesty is ALWAYS, ALWAYS the best policy. I have had guy friends in the past who have professed their feelings for me that I didn't have the same feelings for, and as difficult as it was to do, I had to tell them straight up that it wasn't gonna happen. And you know what? Nine times out of ten, they were cool and understanding and mature about it and we went on to be great friends. Those are the best kinds of friendships, when you can bring raw honesty to the table, even though it might hurt the other party, and you still make it to the other side with a friendship in tact. (That's also a sign of maturity, on both parts.)

Finally - there IS the friendship, that sometimes even to everyone's surprise and against all odds, turns into something more. Even when you think a guy is safely in "The Friend Zone," sometimes feelings can pop up where you're least expecting them. I would recommend that in this situation, you let your heart and your intuition guide you. If your intuition tells you he's feeling something for you, too...by all means, open your heart to him, lay it all on the line and TELL HIM how you feel. One must take great risks to receive great rewards. Worst case scenario - the feelings are not reciprocated. At least you had the guts to throw all your cards on the table and play BIG! No shame in someone who takes a chance in the name of love. Best case scenario? You fall in love with your best friend. And, as they say, live happily ever after. Or happily for a little while. Either way, you gambled and you won. Kudos to you for being bold enough to wave your radio under his window in a very "Say Anything" sort of way and going for what you wanted without fear.

At the end of the day, guy friends are a beautiful thing. After all, look at Dorothy. She was surrounded by males (even if the Cowardly Lion did wear bows in his hair...errr...mane) and that turned out pretty well! Her guy friends helped guide her to her destiny and protected her on the journey to following her heart and she helped them realize their biggest dreams come true. Nobody found great love, but they did all find something more important - themselves.